Moana (2026) review

MOANA (2026): 

YOU’RE NOT WELCOME FOR THIS ONE, DISNEY!

By Nico Beland

Movie Review: * ½ out of 4

DISNEY

Catherine Laga’aia in Moana (2026)

 

            The world of Moana comes to life in…well, Moana, the latest of Disney’s live-action remakes this time, of the 2016 animated film of the same name. I really liked the original Moana and thought it was a gorgeous, animated feature with charming characters, catchy as hell songs, and, like Frozen, broke the Disney mold in various places; between that and Zootopia, 2016 was a peak year for Disney Animation. 

            The 2024 sequel, Moana 2, is…fine, but it was a massive hit at the box office, grossing over $1 billion despite it being deemed inferior to the first. So, of course, it needs a live-action remake, which I was completely against the moment it was announced, and why is that? Because the original Moana isn’t even that old and doesn’t turn 10 until November of this year. 

            I personally wasn’t much of a fan of the Lilo & Stitch remake from last year, but at least it was for a film that was over 20 years old. This just seemed too recent to me and made solely for money without any creative integrity…yeah, that’s about what I got. 

            I always try to be open-minded with these remakes, but I ain’t sugarcoating this: the live-action Moana is complete and total crap to the point where I’m going to apologize to the 2019 Lion King and 2025 Snow White. As soulless and uncanny as those films were, at least there was a legacy to tarnish with those bad remakes; this is a soulless and uncanny version of a current film that doesn’t have much of a legacy yet. 

Because I’m lazy, I’m just going to recycle the plot description from my original Moana review; if the movie itself can be uninspired, then so can my review of it. Three thousand years ago, the greatest sailors in the world embarked on a journey across the Pacific and discovered the islands of Oceania. Life was created by an island goddess called Te Fiti, and the source of her magic is her heart, which is a pounamu stone. 

            After a demigod named Maui (Dwayne Johnson-The Scorpion King, Fast & Furious franchise, Jumanji franchise; reprising his role from the animated films), who is a shape-shifter, stole her heart, the voyaging mysteriously stopped and caused the islands of Motunui to be cursed. A young girl named Moana (Catherine Laga’aia-The Lost Flowers of Alice Hart) and daughter of the chief of the Motunui Island, discovers that she is literally friends with the ocean and wonders why the adventuring stops. 

            She learns that Maui has stolen the stone, and if she can obtain it, Moana can summon Maui and help her save the village from destruction by the Gods. But she’s not alone on her journey; Maui with his mighty shape-shifting fish hook, a dim-witted chicken named Hei-Hei, and the ocean assist Moana on her quest to restore the heart of Te Fiti before the Gods destroy her village.

            The film also stars Rena Owen (Once Were Warriors, Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones, Siren) as Gramma Tala, John Tui (Power Rangers franchise, Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw, Young Rock) as Chief Tui, Frankie Adams (The Expanse, Mortal Engines, Shortland Street) as Sina, and Jemaine Clement (Men in Black 3, Avatar 2 and 3, Wildwood) reprising his role from the animated films as the voice of Tamatoa. 

            Overall, Moana (2026) is the new standard for pure Hollywood laziness and the absolute worst I’ve ever seen from the Disney live-action remakes; yes, I said that! It adds nothing to the source material; the script is almost line-for-line, and oh, did I mention that MOANA IS TOO RECENT TO REMAKE!!! 

            I controversially didn’t like the Aladdin remake when I first saw it, but this makes that movie look like Fantasia or the original Beauty and the Beast by comparison. I’d much rather rewatch Will Smith in CGI Blueface and Dollar Store Jafar over watching this film ever again. 

            All throughout the movie, I was constantly saying “Okay, here’s this scene, here’s that scene, here’s this song, here’s that song.” I even checked my f*cking phone a few times during the film it was so unremarkable and dull to me. Say what you will about the 1996 101 Dalmatians or the 2016 Jungle Book, but at least they added something unique to make them stand out from their animated originals; 101 Dalmatians didn’t have the talking animals, and The Jungle Book expanded upon the lore. This does nothing; it’s a complete waste of time, money, and talent. 

            Thomas Kail, the film’s director, is insanely talented, as he directed the stage productions of In the Heights and Hamilton. I never saw the In the Heights musical, but Hamilton was freaking awesome, so it’s probably just a classic case of a director for hire and working under the Mickey committee. 

            I will give the film a teeny bit of credit that, for all its failures, the acting is fine; Catherine Laga’aia is a decent choice for a live-action Moana and hits those notes pretty well. Dwayne Johnson, terrible wig aside, still brings a lot of charisma to Maui even if he’s just saying the same lines again. 

            The visuals are nice and colorful and do capture the look of Moana, and some of the effects used during the song sequences attempt to bring some liveliness to an otherwise nothing film. 

            Yeah, I’m done; Moana (2026) is not worth anyone’s time; go see Toy Story 5 or even Minions & Monsters. Hell, you can just watch the original animated Moana movies at home on Disney+ instead of going out to see a lazy interpretation of it that you paid money for. 

            What can I say except, you’re not welcome for this one, Disney? Good luck with Tangled, you cheap bastards!