Summer 2023 Films Ranked Best to Worst

 Summer 2023 Films Ranked Best to Worst

By Nico Beland

1.     Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse-Best!

2.     Oppenheimer

3.     Barbie

4.     Talk to Me

5.     Metalocalypse: Army of the Doomstar

6.     BlackBerry

7.     Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part One

8.     Past Lives

9.    Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem

10.  The Venture Bros. Radiant is the Blood of the Baboon Heart

11.  Sound of Freedom

12.  Joy Ride

13. Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol. 3

14. Blue Beetle

15.  Asteroid City

16.  Transformers: Rise of the Beasts

17.  The Flash

18.  No Hard Feelings

19. Gran Turismo

20.  Elemental

21. The Last Voyage of the Demeter

22.  Strays

23.  Fast X

24.  Ruby Gillman, Teenage Kraken

25.  The Little Mermaid

26.  Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny

27.  Haunted Mansion

28. The Machine

29. Insidious: The Red Door

30.  Meg 2: The Trench

31.  Knights of the Zodiac-Worst!

Gran Turismo review

GRAN TURISMO: 

BIOPIC INSPIRED BY POPULAR PLAYSTATION VIDEO GAME BUILT WITH FAMILIAR NARRATIVE BUT FUELED BY HEART! 

By Nico Beland

Movie Review: *** out of 4

COLUMBIA PICTURES

Archie Madekwe, Orlando Bloom, and David Harbour in Gran Turismo

 

            A young man goes from gamer to racer in Gran Turismo, the new sports biopic inspired by the popular PlayStation video game series of the same name and third film based on a PlayStation property after 2016’s Ratchet & Clank and 2022’s Uncharted. The film is directed by Neill Blomkamp (District 9, Elysium, Chappie) and based on the true story of Jann Mardenborough, a Gran Turismo player who participated in the GT Academy and became a professional racecar driver. 

            I remembered playing a little bit of Gran Turismo as a kid though it wasn’t something I played on a regular basis (I recall playing Gran Turismo 3 on PS2 once at my cousin’s house). Since this is a biopic about a Gran Turismoplayer becoming a racer, it probably doesn’t require much knowledge of the Gran Turismo lore to hop into the driver’s seat…or any for that matter. 

            I remembered scratching my head in confusion when the movie was announced, how do you take a game with virtually no story and turn it into a film? But when I heard it was going to be based on a real-life Gran Turismo player who got a shot at becoming a racer and after seeing the trailer, I was onboard. 

            After seeing it, I have to admit Gran Turismo is a pretty good movie and the best of the PlayStation cinematic outings so far. It isn’t perfect by any means and the narrative is very derivate of other sports biopics, but the excellent cast, heartfelt scenes, and spectacular race sequences keep it on the racetrack. 

            The film follows Jann Mardenborough (Archie Madekwe-Teen Spirit, Midsommar, See), a teenage Gran Turismo player from Cardiff who aspires to be a professional racecar driver.

When Jann sets a time record for a particular track in the game, he attends GT Academy established by Nissanmarketing executive Danny Moore (Orlando Bloom-The Lord of the Rings trilogy, Pirates of the Caribbean franchise, Kingdom of Heaven) where he utilizes his gaming skills to win a series of competition and become an actual racer with help from his loyal trainer Jack Salter (David Harbour-Stranger Things, Hellboy (2019), Violent Night). 

            The film also stars Djimon Hounsou (Amistad, Gladiator, Marvel Cinematic Universe) as Jann’s father Steve Mardenborough, Darren Barnet (Never Have I Ever, Untitled Horror Movie, Love Hard) as Jann’s rival Matty Davis, Geri Halliwell (Crank 2: High Voltage) as Jann’s mother Lesley, Thomas Kretschmann (King Kong (2005), Infinity Pool, Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny) as Patrice Capa, and Takehiro Hira (Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins) as real-life Gran Turismo creator Kazunori Yamauchi. 

            Overall, Gran Turismo may not earn an achievement for original storytelling, but it crosses the finish line at a comfortable pace thanks to stellar acting and genuine heart. As mentioned before, the plot is very derivative of other sports biopic storylines and hits familiar beats as many of them so aside from the fact that it’s a gamer turned racer, you’re not really getting much new in terms of story. 

            While the predictable narrative is a bit of a roadblock, it’s the performances that really steer the film towards the finish line. I haven’t seen Archie Madekwe in many things, but I thought he was very endearing and likable as Jann and has wonderful chemistry with Orlando Bloom and especially David Harbour who is also a huge standout in the film. 

            David Harbour, who is already one of my favorite underrated actors is amazing in the film as this GT Academy trainer who starts off grouchy and cynical but warms up to Jann and constantly supports him during his races. Harbour plays that role beautifully with some of his best scenes being when he and Madekwe are just talking to each other, and you see this friendship forming between the two and even manages to deliver some heartfelt moments in the film as well. 

            Orlando Bloom is also great in the film as the Nissan marketing executive who Jann befriends during his competitions and has enjoyable dialogue with Harbour. However, he’s not focused on nearly as much as Madekwe and Harbour which is where the focus should be anyway. 

            The race sequences are adrenaline-pumping and very well-shot and edited with just about every race leaving you on the edge of your seat. I appreciate how Blomkamp understands that these races should be as intense as possible and does this incredible camera work with swoops across the track, close-ups of two cars dueling from the road’s perspective, and the way the film incorporates several markers and icons from the video game into the race scenes is very clever, this is how you integrate game footage into your movie, Uwe Boll! 

            While the film could have used more Djimon Hounsou as Jann’s father, the scenes with Madekwe and Hounsou are very wholesome and where the film’s heart is. You see the love Hounsou’s character has for his son in every scene he’s in even if he doesn’t fully understand or agree with his dream, besides Madekwe’s interactions with Harbour, this is where the heart is. 

            The soundtrack is also a lot of fun with a unique blend of Kenny G and Black Sabbath that somehow fits with the film and is accurate to real life. It honestly kind of makes me want to check out more of Kenny G’s music someday. 

            Gran Turismo isn’t a perfect sports biopic, but the acting, heart, and exciting race sequences give this video game movie a gold trophy of its very own. It’s easily the best of the PlayStation movies and worth hopping into the driver’s seat for. 

Metalocalypse: Army of the Doomstar review

METALOCALYPSE: ARMY OF THE DOOMSTAR: 

A BRUTAL, EPIC, AND ABOVE ALL “METAL” CONCLUSION TO POPULAR ADULT SWIM SERIES! 

By Nico Beland

Movie Review: **** out of 4

ADULT SWIM/CARTOON NETWORK

William Murderface, Pickles the Drummer, Nathan Explosion, Toki Wartooth, and Skwisgaar Skwigelf in Metalocalypse: Army of the Doomstar

 

            Death metal band, Dethklok steps up from being famous entertainers and becomes world-saving heroes in Metalocalypse: Army of the Doomstar, the third of Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim’s line of direct-to-video films after 2022’s Aqua Teen Forever: Plantasm and last month’s The Venture Bros. Radiant is the Blood of the Baboon Heart and epilogue to the popular animated series, Metalocalypse. Despite not watching it quite as much as Aqua Teen Hunger Force or Robot Chicken, I really enjoyed Metalocalypse especially during late-middle-early-high school when I started watching Adult Swim shows on a frequent basis. 

            I binged the first season numerous times and caught random episodes of later seasons on Adult Swim whenever it happened to be on. Though despite owning all the seasons on DVD for many years, I had never seen the entire show so like when the Venture Bros. movie was coming out, I watched all four seasons and the Doomstar Requiem rock opera special for the very first time and I’m glad I did that because the later seasons and especially The Doomstar Requiemare amazing. 

            There was a lot of hype for this movie when it was announced that three Adult Swim films were in the works as Metalocalypse was unfortunately canceled in 2013 and wasn’t able to get a proper ending. And with this epilogue movie made and released, series creators Brendon Small (Home Movies) and Tommy Blacha (Mongo Wrestling Alliance, Super Giant Robot Brothers) can finally give their beloved Dethklok the sendoff they deserve…and damn, did they deliver? 

            Not only is Metalocalypse: Army of the Doomstar a freaking epic conclusion to a great series, but this might be hands down the best Adult Swim movie so far. It’s beautifully animated, outrageously brutal, funny, and also has a very interesting and captivating story. 

            The film is set after the events of The Doomstar Requiem and follows Dethklok consisting of Skwisgaar Skwigelf taller than a tree, Toki Wartooth not a bumblebee, William Murderface, Murderface, Murderface, Pickles the Drummer, doodly do, ding-dong, doodly, doodly do, and Nathan Explosion (All voiced by Small and Blacha reprising their roles from the series) being tasked with fulfilling the Church of the Black Klok’s prophecy of them becoming the chosen ones and save the planet from the demonic entity known as Salacia (voiced by Mark Hamill-Star Warsfranchise, DC Animated Universe, Regular Show) and his weapon known as the Doomstar which is getting closer to the planet by the second. In order to destroy Salacia and the Doomstar, frontman Nathan Explosion must write and Dethklok must perform a mystical song known as the Song of Salvation, but due to Nathan’s personal issues and psychological trauma he’s going through, he can’t quite figure out how to write it. 

            It becomes a race against time to finish the song, find the fabled Army of the Doomstar that will aid Dethklok in their battle against Salacia, and perform the Song of Salvation before the planet is destroyed in one glorious final showdown. 

            The film also features the voices of Small reprising his roles as Dethklok’s former manager and current Church of the Black Klok leader Charles Offdensen, record producer Dick Knubbler, and wheelchair-bound and tech-savvy Dethklok fan Edgar Jomfru, Blacha reprising his role as Dr. Rockzo the Rock n Roll Clown (Who in fact, does cocaine!), Malcolm McDowell (A Clockwork Orange, Doomsday, Bombshell) reprising his role as Vater Orlaag, Raya Yarbrough as Nathan’s (sort-of) love-interest Abigail Remeltindrinc, Victor Brandt (Superman: The Animated Series, Todd McFarlane’s Spawn, Avatar: The Last Airbender) reprising his role as General Crozier, Jon Hamm (Mad Men, Baby Driver, Top Gun: Maverick) as Emcee, Laraine Newman (Saturday Night Live, As Told By Ginger, Danny Phantom) reprising her role as Nathan’s mother Rose Explosion, and Juliet Mills (Avanti!, Nanny and the Professor, Passions) as the Whale Prophet and features appearances from Thundercat, King Diamond, Evanescence’s Amy Lee, and Scott Ian. 

            Overall, Metalocalypse: Army of the Doomstar is a brutal, epic, and above all “Metal” conclusion to the Adult Swim series that’s well worth the wait. Just about everything in the film is significantly amped up starting with its breathtaking animation that’s honestly the best Metalocalypse has ever looked. 

            Despite it being a direct-to-video film, you get a sense of the size and scope through its animation. There is a lot more detail in the backgrounds and character designs here as well as lighting and shadow effects that really make it feel cinematic and larger compared to the show. 

            The amplified animation is especially showcased during the scenes with Dethklok performing and action sequences which look so incredible I am legitimately angry this wasn’t released theatrically. The action is brutal and very exciting with an Avengers: Endgame-style final battle featuring various characters from the show and a lot of outrageously over-the-top kills including one eerily similar to Akira (If you’ve seen the movie, you might know which one I’m talking about). 

            While gorgeous animation and thrilling action are nice, it’s actually the story and characters where Army of the Doomstar is at its strongest with a very humanized Nathan Explosion desperately trying to write the Song of Salvationbut is facing constant roadblocks in the process. It’s probably the most I’ve ever cared about Nathan in the entire series, and I love the revelation he has over the course of the film. 

            Murderface also goes through an interesting arc in the film as he’s not especially proud of the fact that people consider him a joke compared to the other band members and goes through his own journey of self-worth. This leads to a hilarious but also touching pep talk between him and the other Dethklok members about how they need him to suck and that he’s the voice of descent. 

            Granted, Skwisgaar, Toki, and Pickles don’t really have any character arcs, they are given moments to shine throughout the film. Dethklok is as lovably childish as ever, but you do see growth in them as the film goes on. 

            Despite its epic scale, the film doesn’t forget that it’s a comedy and the humor is quite juvenile but extremely funny. Most of it consists of banter between the Dethklok members and the characters they interact with, and I laughed quite a bit at the dialogue. 

            With beautiful animation, strong character moments, thrilling action, a phenomenal musical score and head-banging metal songs, and plenty of laughs, Metalocalypse: Army of the Doomstar is an epic swan song for Dethklok that fans of the series will love. It’s also a worthy pick for the best Adult Swim movie so far. 

Strays review

STRAYS: 

RAUNCHY WILL FERRELL DOG COMEDY GIVES EXACTLY WHAT IT ADVERTISES! 

By Nico Beland

Movie Review: 

out of 4

UNIVERSAL PICTURES

Reggie and Bug in Strays

 

            A dog/talking animal movie like no other is unleashed upon the world in Strays, an R-rated talking dog comedy produced by Phil Lord and Christopher Miller (Jump Street, The Lego Movie franchise, Spider-Verse) and directed by Josh Greenbaum (New Girl, Fresh Off the Boat, Barb and Star Go to Vista Del Mar). We’ve seen a lot of talking animal movies over the years especially dog-related ones like the Cats & Dogs trilogy (Yes, they actually made a f*cking trilogy out of that!), A Dog’s Purpose, Show Dogs, and those goddamn Beverly Hills Chihuahua movies. 

            We know how formulaic these films can be and you can easily point out the tropes many of them often share if you’ve seen enough talking dog movies. Same old sh*t that we’ve seen a million times before. But once in a while there comes a film that knows audiences have seen these clichés and storylines before and instead of making a generic, run-of-the-mill dog movie, the filmmakers decide to have fun with it and create an outrageous, unapologetically vulgar jab at them, Strays is that kind of movie. 

            This movie gives exactly what it advertises and doesn’t try to be anything more than what it is, a raunchy comedy with talking dogs, a ruthless owner, and a race to get back home…to bite the owner’s private parts off…that somehow works in a few heartfelt moments amongst the canine chaos. I’m not gonna lie, I got some good laughs out of Strays and even found myself being invested in the film’s more wholesome scenes. 

            The film follows Reggie (voiced by Will Ferrell-Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby, Blades of Glory, Step Brothers), an adorable albeit gullible little dog who just wants to make his master proud and be called a “Good Boy”. Unfortunately, his master Doug (Will Forte-Saturday Night Live, Clone High, Nebraska) is a ruthless, dog-hating drug addict who never wanted him in the first place. 

            After Doug abandons Reggie somewhere in the city, he befriends a group of other stray dogs including a street-wise Boston Terrier named Bug (voiced by Jamie Foxx-Ray, Django Unchained, Baby Driver), an Australian Shepherd known as Maggie (voiced by Isla Fisher-Wedding Crashers, The Great Gatsby (2013), Now You See Me), and a therapy Great Dane named Hunter (voiced by Randall Park-The Five-Year Engagement, The Interview, Marvel Cinematic Universe) who help Reggie on his journey to get back home…not to happily reunite with his owner like all that other fluffy dog movie bullsh*t, but to bite Doug’s dick off as revenge for leaving him behind. Oh, and something about tripping balls after eating mushrooms…can’t forget that. 

            The film also stars Brett Gelman (Stranger Things, Fleabag, Lyle, Lyle, Crocodile) as Willy, Greta Lee (Sisters,Past Lives, Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse) as Brenda, and Dan Perrault (American Vandal, Players) as Dr. Hagen and features the voices of Rob Riggle (Saturday Night Live, The Hangover, 21 Jump Street) as Rolf, Sofia Vergara (Lords of Dogtown, Four Brothers, Chef) as Deliliah, Jamie Demetriou (Fleabag, Stath Lets Flats, Barbie) as Chester, Josh Gad (The Book of Mormon, Frozen 1 and 2, The Angry Birds Movie 1 and 2) as Gus the Narrator Dog (A parody of his vocal performances from A Dog’s Purpose and A Dog’s Journey), Jimmy Tatro (22 Jump Street, Stuber, Theater Camp) as Finn, Harvey Guillén (What We Do in the Shadows, Puss in Boots: The Last Wish, Blue Beetle) as Shitstain, and Phil Morris (Seinfeld, Atlantis: The Lost Empire, Doom Patrol) as Bubsy. 

            Overall, Strays is the kind of film that’s easy to recommend to someone “Have you seen the trailer? Did you find it humorous? If so, you’ll probably enjoy this movie” and as mentioned before it gives exactly what it promises, no more no less. For me, I found Strays to be very amusing throughout and while not every joke landed, I found myself laughing just enough with my favorite being the already mentioned, Narrator Dog gag that parodies the Dog’s Purposemovies which I found incredibly funny and a follow-up joke involving one of the actors from said films. 

            However, within the film’s foul-mouthed exterior there is also a lot of heart and genuine wholesomeness that elevates it above being just a novelty movie about dogs swearing and making crude jokes. I really enjoy the friendship the stray dogs have with each one of them having a likable personality, the backstory of Bug (Jamie Foxx dog) and why he doesn’t take kindly to humans is surprisingly heartbreaking and mostly played straight, and the resolution at the end is actually very sweet. 

            It also helps that the cast is excellent and effortlessly balances the raunch and the heart with Will Ferrell being perfectly cast as this lovable but easily tricked Border Terrier (Sort of like Buddy from Elf if he was a dog and James Caan was a heartless sack of sh*t) to the point where now whenever I see a Border Terrier on the street, I’m going to imagine Ferrell’s voice coming out of it. Jamie Foxx is also a standout as this street-smart, tough-acting Boston Terrier who teaches Reggie about the stray life who has great comedic timing while also selling the heartfelt moments as well. 

            Will Forte is a treasure as a dog abusing, drug-addicted former owner who you just love to hate and want to see him get his comeuppance in the end. He is not a sympathetic character who is redeemed in the end, nor does he see the error of his ways in the film, he is a bitter, ruthless guy who needs to get his dick bitten off and he plays the part beautifully while the film itself reminds the audience that abusive dog owners just need to get their privates bitten off to learn their lesson sometimes. 

            If you’re looking for an alternative to those fluffy, shmaltzy dog movies that pervaded movie theater screens in the 90s-2000s that still manages to tell a heartwarming story then Strays might be your kind of movie. You should probably leave the puppies at home for this one though. 

 

Hand Banana from Aqua Teen Hunger Force © Adult Swim/Cartoon Network

Blue Beetle review

BLUE BEETLE: 

BLUE BEETLE TAKES FLIGHT IN FUN DCEU MOVIE! 

By Nico Beland

Movie Review: *** out of 4

WARNER BROS. PICTURES

Xolo Maridueña in DC’s Blue Beetle

 

            An alien artifact latches itself onto a young man and transforms him into a superhero like no other in Blue Beetle, the latest installment of the DC Extended Universe (I’m still calling it that until a new title to the series is officially announced). The film is directed by Ángel Manuel Soto (Charm City Kings) and is supposedly a fresh start to the series after the extremely polarizing reactions of other films of the DCEU with little to no continuity with the earlier films. 

I should make this clear, I know hardly anything about Blue Beetle with the only knowledge I have of the character being from some of the DC video games (Specifically Injustice) and a Blue Beetle retrospective that Linkaradid a while ago. So, I’m going into this film as an outsider and enthusiast for superhero/comic book movie entertainment and I have to admit, this is not a bad introduction to the world of Blue Beetle. 

            I can’t say it’s a great film or even one of the best DC movies, but I found myself really enjoying it and getting wrapped up in its charming characters and strong family morals. It’s easily one of the DCEU’s more enjoyable cinematic outings. 

            The film follows Jaime Reyes (Xolo Maridueña-Parenthood, Cobra Kai, Victor and Valentino), a young man returning to his hometown Palmera City after graduating college and reuniting with his enthusiastic family. While going in for his new job at multinational research and development corporation, Kord Industries a woman gives him a mysterious object hidden inside a hamburger box and urges him not to open it under any circumstances (We all know what happens next). 

            Jaime does in fact open the box and it’s revealed that the item inside is an alien device known as the Scarab which latches itself onto Jaime and creates an armored suit around him with artificial intelligence and the ability to create any weapon he can imagine. Jaime uses this new alien suit to become the powerful superhero known as the Blue Beetle and must keep the suit out of the hands of the devious Kord Industries CEO, Victoria Kord (Susan Sarandon-Thelma & Louise, Dead Man Walking, Enchanted) with a little help from his family, Uncle Rudy (George Lopez-The George Lopez Show, Swing Vote, Henry Poole is Here), Jaime’s sister Milagro (Newcomer, Belissa Escobedo), father Alberto (Damián Alcázar-The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian, Narcos, Miss Bala), mother Rocio (Elpidia Carrillo-Predator, Nine Lives, Euphoria), and of course, Nana (Adriana Barraza-Drag Me to Hell, Cake, Dora and the Lost City of Gold). 

            The film also stars Bruna Marquezine (Breaking Through) as Jaime’s love interest Jenny Kord, Raoul Trujillo (The New World, Riddick, Sicario 1 and 2) as Victoria’s bodyguard Ignacio Carapax/OMAC, Harvey Guillén (What We Do in the Shadows, Puss in Boots: The Last Wish, Strays) as scientist Dr. Sanchez, and Becky G (Power Rangers(2017), A.X.L., Good Mourning) as the voice of the Scarab’s AI Khaji-Da. 

            Overall, Blue Beetle doesn’t really take superhero movies to new heights, but it’s still a fun entry in the DCEUwith a lot of charm and wholesome family moments. While the flashy superhero action and silly shenanigans are a lot of fun, it’s the family element where the film is at its strongest. 

            Granted, not every family member has the same amount of screen-time, but the actors take advantage of the time given to them and their chemistry together is genuinely sweet. The best scenes in the film are when Jaime is interacting with his family whether it’s an adorably awkward scene where they’re chanting his name while he’s on his way to his job, a very touching pep-talk between him and his uncle that’s essentially the “With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility” speech, or just the lengths Jaime’s family will go in order to save him when he gets captured by the villains, you really buy them as a family and it ironically feels more natural than the “Family” from Fast & Furious. 

            What helps make the family element feel so authentic is that the performances are excellent especially from Xolo Maridueña as the Blue Beetle who is the heart and soul of the entire film. I haven’t seen much Cobra Kai, but I thought Maridueña did a great job with the character and adds a lot of charisma and likable charm to this DC hero. 

            George Lopez is also a standout as Jaime’s uncle who is very funny during his scenes while selling the more heartfelt moments as well. A huge improvement over Mr. Electric from Sharkboy and Lavagirl, wouldn’t you say? 

            Adriana Barraza is a scene-stealer as Jaime’s Nana who delivers some of the best lines in the film and fights bad guys off with a high-tech gatling gun. Can’t go wrong with an ass-kicking grandma armed with a gatling gun. 

            The action is pretty standard superhero stuff though my favorite sequence in the whole film is when Blue Beetle flies up into space and through the entire city after first getting the suit. Despite being eerily similar to the flight sequence from Iron Man, it’s a fun scene and looked great on IMAX. 

            Where Blue Beetle soars in terms of its main characters, it does somewhat take a dive in storytelling and its villains. The plot is very derivative of other superhero movies (Ant-Man, Venom, and the Iron Man movies did come to mind while I was watching it) and hits all the beats you’d expect from a film like this. 

            Susan Sarandon plays the clichéd corporate villain who despite her best efforts can’t quite make this character that interesting or unique. If anything, she makes Obadiah Stane from the first Iron Man look like Christoph Waltz from Inglourious Basterds by comparison. 

            The secondary villain, OMAC is a more interesting character who has this very fascinating backstory that’s revealed later on, and I was invested in the arc he goes through over the course of the film. However, he also falls into the trope of being the “Big, Bad Version of the Hero” during the climax and when he’s put into his own high-tech suit, he just becomes another generic villain (Again, just like Obadiah after he’s put into the Iron Monger suit), but his arc is what saves the cliché. 

            Blue Beetle probably won’t win any awards for being a comic book/superhero movie game-changer, but those looking for a good time at the movies with tons of silliness and charm with probably enjoy it. I can say with much enthusiasm that it is one of the better films of the DC Extended Universe and I’m curious to see how this character’s storyline continues in future films…if it’s successful that is. 

The Last Voyage of the Demeter review

THE LAST VOYAGE OF THE DEMETER: 

VAMPIRE VOYAGE IS A CREEPY GOOD TIME! 

By Nico Beland

Movie Review: *** out of 4

UNIVERSAL PICTURES AND DREAMWORKS PICTURES

Dracula in The Last Voyage of the Demeter

 

            The second dose of Dracula entertainment after Renfield earlier this year has arrived in The Last Voyage of the Demeter, a supernatural horror film based on The Captain Log chapter from Bram Stoker’s classic novel, Dracula. The film is directed by André Øvredal (Trollhunter, The Autopsy of Jane Doe, Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark) and had languished in development hell for more than two decades sometime after the release of the Francis Ford Coppola film, Bram Stoker’s Dracula in 1992. 

            After Universal’s failed attempt at rebooting the character with 2014’s Dracula Untold and gaining some momentum earlier this year with the horror-comedy film, Renfield (An imperfect but relatively fun movie IMO), we now have this Alien-inspired Dracula film set almost entirely on a ship that just happens to be carrying the most famous and dangerous vampire of all time. It looked promising when I first saw the trailers and thought it could make for an interesting and very unique Dracula film, which it was. 

            I can’t say The Last Voyage of the Demeter is a great film or even one of the all-time greatest Dracula films, but for what I got I was entertained throughout and invested enough in the storyline and characters. Especially since this was a very last-minute change after Sony Pictures delayed Gran Turismo for a couple of weeks. 

            The film follows the Demeter, a ship carrying precious cargo from Transylvania to London. However, it turns out one of the crates onboard the Demeter houses the infamous vampire, Dracula (Javier Botet-REC franchise, Mama, Slender Man) and starts attacking the crew after he is awakened. 

            It’s up to a doctor aboard the ship known as Clemens (Corey Hawkins-The Walking Dead, Straight Outta Compton, Kong: Skull Island) an unwitting stowaway named Anna (Aisling Franciosi-The Fall, Legends, The Nightingale), and the ship’s Captain Elliot (Liam Cunningham-A Little Princess, Dog Soldiers, Game of Thrones) to end Dracula’s reign of terror and send him to Hell before it’s too late. 

            The film also stars David Dastmalchian (The Dark Knight, Blade Runner 2049, Oppenheimer) as Wojchek, Woody Norman (The Current War, C’mon C’mon, Cobweb) as Toby, and Stefan Kapičić (Big Miracle, Deadpooltrilogy) as Olgaren. 

            Overall, The Last Voyage of the Demeter may not be the strongest film based on Dracula, but the story is engaging, the scares are effective, and the characters are very likable. What is unique about this film compared to other Dracula movies is that it’s set on a ship (and no, I don’t mean like the cruise ship from Hotel Transylvania 3!) that’s small enough to be claustrophobic which makes Dracula’s kills and terrors a lot more frightening because there’s hardly any way to escape. 

            The film reminded me a lot of the 1979 Ridley Scott movie, Alien which is not at all a complaint, and I only discovered that it was inspired by it after I started doing this review. Whether it’s a ship out in space or at sea, putting your crew in a confined area with a monster adds to the terror and suspense and this film does it very effectively.

            One aspect of the film that I greatly appreciate is its use of practical effects in the first half of the movie as it’s mostly slow buildup to the monster aboard the ship and the makeup and creature effects on Dracula are incredible regardless of what form he is. From the Gollum-like creature he starts off as at the beginning to this anthropomorphic man/bat vampire monster he becomes by the end, I loved it every time he was onscreen even when the effects do take a slight CGI dive in the last third and it is noticeable. 

            Even though Dracula was depicted wonderfully in the film, it really isn’t much of a Dracula movie as it’s more about a crew on a ship that gets attacked by Dracula, so you better have some damn good human characters to be invested in. Unlike Meg 2: The Trench where compelling characters were almost non-existent; this movie has that. 

            I’m not super familiar with Corey Hawkins’ work aside from his phenomenal portrayal of Dr. Dre in Straight Outta Compton, but I thought he was an excellent leading man for this film. Liam Cunningham also gives an incredible performance as the ship’s captain, Aisling Franciosi is another standout as a stowaway who helps the crew in destroying Dracula, and David Dastmalchian gives probably the best performance of his entire career as the ship’s first mate (And yes, I know he was in Oppenheimer a few weeks ago!), the man puts so much energy and commitment into his performance and becomes probably the most memorable actor in the film aside from maybe Hawkins or Cunningham. 

            The production design is also very impressive and expertly captures the size and scope of the film. It isn’t quite as epic as something like Titanic, Pirates of the Caribbean, or Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World, but you can tell the director and crew put that budget to good use in every scene to give this Dracula film a larger-than-life scale that should definitely be seen on the big screen. 

            Given that this is a vampire movie, the kills are nice and bloody with a lot of creative and even heartbreaking death scenes. Many of these would normally be fun to watch, but because I was so invested in the characters, I honestly felt bad for any of them that got killed by Dracula and it helps that it is an R-rated vampire movie, so you feel more of an impact when a character gets killed without the deaths being watered-down for a wider audience, good luck with that family-friendly Blade movie, Disney! 

            At times the film does feel uneven and a bit too long (The film clocks in at just under two hours), particularly in the last act where it mostly felt like set-up for potential sequels and franchises and doesn’t quite match up with how the rest of the film was presented. I personally thought the film should have ended as the ship was approaching London, it would have been a perfect note to close the movie on. 

            Despite its flaws, I thought The Last Voyage of the Demeter was a well-crafted, thoroughly suspenseful, and captivating vampire movie worth sinking your teeth into. It is a detour from other Dracula films, but that’s the movie’s biggest strength and what makes it unique. 

Meg 2: The Trench review

MEG 2: THE TRENCH: 

DULL JASON STATHAM SHARK SEQUEL SEVERELY LACKS CHEESY FUN OF ITS PREDECESSOR (UNTIL THE LAST THIRD)! 

By Nico Beland

Movie Review: * ½ out of 4

WARNER BROS. PICTURES

The Megalodon is back in Meg 2: The Trench

 

            Charismatic action star Jason Statham (The Transporter franchise, Crank 1 and 2, Fast & Furious franchise) returns as veteran diver Jonas Taylor to battle more sharks in Meg 2: The Trench, the sequel to the 2018 smash hit, The Meg. I enjoyed the first Meg as a dumb, cheesy homage to B-movies and giant monster films. 

            Yes, it has a lot of problems, and I don’t get into the human characters that much (Aside from Jason Statham), but there is plenty of shark screen-time and completely absurd moments that make it a fun watch for me. It’s the kind of film that knows it’s silly and stupid and just wants to take you along for the ride. 

            After the film was proven to be a success, a sequel was immediately put into development with Statham reprising his role and Ben Wheatley (Free Fire, Rebecca, In the Earth) replacing Jon Turteltaub as director. The trailers and advertising looked promising and since it’s a sequel, the Megalodon shark was likely going to be more prominent this time around because it was already established in the first film, so I wanted this to be complete, brain-rotting nonsense…that was some wishful thinking on my part. 

            Unlike The Meg which I proudly called a “So Bad It’s Good” movie, Meg 2: The Trench is an extremely disjointed and surprisingly dull follow-up with even less shark than the first movie. Aside from a purely chaotic final act where the movie finally gains some momentum, this is one of the most soulless sequels I’ve seen in a long time that not even Jason Statham’s charisma could save. 

            Following the events of The Meg, the film follows diver Jonas Taylor (Statham) leading a daring research team on an exploratory dive into the deepest depths of the ocean. When their “fantastic” voyage spirals into chaos when a malevolent mining operation threatens their mission and pits the group up against colossal Megs and other terrors of the deep, they must outrun, outsmart, and outswim these vicious sea predators in a pulse-pounding race against time. 

            The film also stars Wu Jing (Wolf Warrior 1 and 2, The Wandering Earth 1 and 2, The Battle at Lake Changjin 1 and 2) as Jiuming, Page Kennedy (S.W.A.T., Leprechaun: Back 2 tha Hood, Freaky Deaky) reprising his role as DJ, Sergio Peris-Mencheta (Resident Evil: Afterlife, Snowfall, Rambo: Last Blood) as Montes, Skyler Samuels (Wizards of Waverly Place, Scream Queens, The Gifted) as Jess, Cliff Curtis (Training Day, Whale Rider, Avatar: The Way of Water) as Mac, and Sienna Guillory (Resident Evil franchise, Eragon, Helen of Troy) as Hillary Driscoll. 

            Overall, Meg 2: The Trench should have been mindless popcorn entertainment throughout and while it eventually delivers some in the last act, it is a slog to get there to the point where it just isn’t worth it. The biggest crime this film commits is that it’s boring, I don’t know how you can make a movie about Jason Statham battling sharks boring, but those bastards found a way by having very little shark action and more humans exploring the dark, murky, and visually uninteresting underwater trench. 

            It feels like two completely different movies awkwardly spliced together with one being the Meg sequel we all paid to go see shark carnage, cheesy one-liners, and all while the other is this Abyss-style sea exploration movie with corporate espionage and rare earth mineral farming. The two plotlines almost never correlate with each other during this near two-hour snooze-fest with only a few glimpses of sharks here and there just to remind you what you’re watching. 

            Because of the serious lack of shark, the film once again focuses heavily on the human characters and like in the first film, I don’t really care about these people. While I never found any of them to be obnoxious, most of the characters for me ranged from bland and underdeveloped to just there and if you’re going to have a shark movie that’s heavily focused on humans then you better have some damn compelling or humorous characters for the audience to be invested in, the writers really should have taken notes on the main trio from Jaws or Blake Lively from The Shallowsand why those characters are captivating and why these tools are not…I’ll even take Jason Statham teaming up with Samuel L. Jackson from Deep Blue Sea. 

            Most of the action is dull because the majority of it takes place in this murky underwater trench at night so it’s hard to see what you’re looking at. Despite being all CGI, I enjoyed some of the creature designs during the action in the trench, but because the sequences are so dark and poorly lit, I can’t really appreciate the imagination or absurdity behind them. 

            However, Meg 2: The Trench eventually gains some momentum in the last third with a climax involving three Megs, a giant kraken, and underwater lizard-like monsters attacking an island and Jason Statham on a jet ski. This is when the film finally comes alive, and I start to have fun watching all these creative sea monsters attack people on an island, laughing at the over-the-top kills, and enjoying the cheesy dialogue, the problem is it’s delivered too late while the rest of the film has been incredibly dull prior to it so it doesn’t really feel like a rewarding payoff. 

            Despite an incredible final act, Meg 2: The Trench is a dull slog of a shark sequel that lacks the cheesy fun of its predecessor and a complete waste of time. You’re better off just waiting for the movie to come out on streaming, skip most of the film, and just watch the climax or if the last third gets uploaded to YouTube sometime soon. 

            It should have been a “So Bad It’s Good” movie to enjoy with tons of drinks and instead it’s a movie that will leave you in desperate need of a coffee (or any sort of caffeinated beverage) to keep yourself awake throughout the majority of it. Bad shark, very, VERY bad shark!