Holmes & Watson review

HOLMES & WATSON:

DON’T BOTHER, THESE GUYS DON’T HAVE A CLUE!

By Nico Beland

Movie Review: ½ out of 4

COLUMBIA PICTURES

John C. Reilly and Will Ferrell in Holmes & Watson

            The comedic duo of Will Ferrell (Anchorman 1 and 2, Blades of Glory, The Other Guys) and John C. Reilly (Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story, Wreck-It Ralph/Ralph Breaks the Internet, Guardians of the Galaxy) bring their styles of humor to the famous mysteries of Sherlock Holmes in the comedy, Holmes & Watson. This is Ferrell and Reilly’s third collaboration together after Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby and Step Brothers, not counting Reilly’s cameo in Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues, and their first collaboration not to be directed by Adam McKay, though he serves as a producer.

            This film went through development hell dating back to 2008 and was originally supposed to star Sacha Baron Cohen as Sherlock Holmes with Ferrell as Dr. Watson. It wasn’t until 2016 when the project was officially announced with Ferrell and Reilly confirming their roles as Holmes and Watson and Etan Cohen (Get Hard) attached to direct.

            Honestly, when the film was first announced I was kind of into the idea of a comedic take on Sherlock Holmes, we’ve already gotten pieces of it before in the Sherlock Holmes movies directed by Guy Ritchie and starring Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law. The two Robert Downey Jr. movies proved that it’s possible to make Sherlock Holmes funny, and with two extremely talented comedic actors helming it, how could you go wrong? Apparently, very wrong!

            I’m speechless at how painfully unfunny this movie is, they manage to turn these two polar opposite characters with unique personalities into bumbling morons. Even if you take the Sherlock Holmes aspect out, it feels like it was lazily put together with no rewrites and trying desperately to make you laugh, but none of the jokes land.

            Imagine a Sherlock Holmes spoof movie written by the Happy Madison writers and directed by Seltzerberg, scraping the bottom of the barrel for the lowest common denominator. It’s one of the most painful and vile experiences I’ve ever had watching a comedy, I was even tempted to walk out.

            The film follows London detectives Sherlock Holmes (Ferrell) and Dr. Watson (Reilly), who have been best friends since childhood, being assigned a case by Queen Victoria (Pam Ferris-Matilda, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Call the Midwife) to solve the mystery behind a series of murders caused by Professor James Moriarty (Ralph Fiennes-The Prince of Egypt, Harry Potter franchise, Skyfall/Spectre). Claiming that Moriarty is travelling to the United States and have sent out a bunch of decoys, Holmes and Watson take the case to bring the criminal mastermind to justice and stop a threat at Buckingham Palace where Queen Victoria’s life could be in serious danger.

            The film also stars Kelly Macdonald (Trainspotting, No Country for Old Men, Brave) as Holmes and Watson’s housekeeper, Rose Hudson, Rebecca Hall (The Prestige, Iron Man 3, Christine) as Dr. Grace Hart, Rob Brydon (Gavin & Stacey, Marion and Geoff, The Trip trilogy) as Inspector Lestrade, Steve Coogan (Tropic Thunder, The Other Guys, The Trip trilogy) as Gustav Klinger, Lauren Lapkus (Orange is the New Black, Jurassic World, The Earliest Show) as Millie, Hugh Laurie (Sense and Sensibility, Stuart Little 1 and 2, House) as Mycroft Holmes, Bella Ramsey (Game of Thrones, The Worst Witch, Hilda) as Flotsam, Noah Jupe (Suburbicon, Wonder, A Quiet Place) as Doxy, and professional wrestler, Braun Strowman (The World’s Strongest Man) as Brawn.

            Overall, Holmes & Watson is a complete waste of time, effort, and talent that only the lowest common denominator would find any sense of enjoyment out of this mess of a comedy. It was an absolute misfire for Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly, who I usually find very funny and even some of their bad movies in the past got at least one laugh out of me, this is NOT one of them though.

            I did not laugh one bit during this movie and there were times where I was getting ready to laugh at something, but they completely ruin the joke. Can’t believe I’m saying this, but remember that crappy film adaptation of Bewitched that Ferrell co-starred in with Nicole Kidman? There was actually more thought and effort put into THAT than what went into Holmes & Watson, OH YEAH, I WENT THERE! Even that awful Land of the Lost adaptation from 2009 was better than this travesty.

            You’re basically watching Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly doing their usual shtick minus any charm or wit. It’s easily the worst movie I’ve ever seen starring either one of them, dethroning Bewitched, Land of the Lost, and Dark Water.

            The closest I may have gotten to at least smiling was during the climax with Holmes throwing a bomb out a window that would have blown up Queen Victoria. Without giving anything away, when it detonates I got a small chuckle by the outcome.

            Aside from that, I can’t think of anything else I liked in this movie, the characters are annoying, the jokes are terrible, and the writing is dreadful. It even goes out of their way to have the Titanic as a plot point, I wanted to stand up in the theater and shout “STOP THE MOVIE SONY, YOU’RE NOT TALENTED ENOUGH!”

            There hasn’t been a comedy that got into my deepest core of anger in a really long time, but somehow Holmes & Watson managed to dig deeper and deeper into $%^#. This is a case not worth taking, go spend your time watching something better, I guarantee any other movie that came out this holiday season you’ll have a much better time with.

            Where’s Sherlock Holmes 3 when you need it? Because these idiots don’t have a clue.