Ted 2 review

TED 2:

WHILE IT HITS A LOT OF “BEEN THERE, DONE THAT!” MOMENTS FROM ITS 2012 PREDECESSOR, FANS OF SETH MACFARLANE WILL MOST LIKELY GET WHAT THEY’RE EXPECTING!

By Nico Beland

Movie Review: *** out of 4

UNIVERSAL PICTURES

Mark Wahlberg reprises his role as John Bennett with the foul-mouthed talking teddy bear, Ted in Ted 2

            Newcomer film director, Seth Macfarlane (Ted, A Million Ways to Die in the West), and creator of such hit Fox comedy cartoons as Family Guy, American Dad, and The Cleveland Show returns to his foul-mouthed talking teddy bear roots with his film directing career in the sequel to the 2012 comedy hit, Ted as well as Macfarlane’s movie directional debut. Whether you like his humor or not, pretty much back when Ted first came out in theaters in summer 2012, it was a surprise hit with critics and audiences, with a positive score on Rotten Tomatoes as well as the film making lots of money at the box office…at least until The Amazing Spider-Man and The Dark Knight Rises came out that same summer, but I digress.

            Due to the first film’s success, Seth Macfarlane now brings us the sequel, Ted 2, in which he, Mark Wahlberg (The Fighter, Lone Survivor, Transformers: Age of Extinction), Jessica Barth (CSI, Cougar Town, Get Smart), and Giovanni Ribisi (Meadowland, Avatar, Selma) reprise their roles as foul-mouthed, weed smoking, Ted, “Thunder Buddy for Life”, John Bennett, sexy cashier and Ted’s girlfriend, Tami-Lynn, and Donny, that creepy villain from the first movie who once again plans to kidnap Ted.

            Where we last left our lazy, drug doing, heroes, we find Ted finally marrying his sexy girlfriend, Tami-Lynn and his childhood best friend and Thunder Buddy for Life, John Bennett trying to get over a recent divorce he had with Lori (Remember Mila Kunis’ character from the first movie?), but Ted keeps pushing John forward and encouraging him to go out there and see some chicks, of course while getting wasted and high with a teddy bear. So for the most part, life is going swell for Ted and Tami-Lynn, who plan to have a baby, but there’s one tiny problem, *sighs* I hate to sound so crude but…Ted’s got no penis!

            So after failed attempts to get sperm samples from Tom Brady and Sam Jones (Flash Gordon) John volunteers to give Ted a sample of his sperm for him and Tami-Lynn to have a baby. Unfortunately it all goes downhill when the government claims Ted is not a person due to him being…you know, a teddy bear who magically came to life one Christmas night.

            Ted and John hire a beautiful young lawyer named Samantha Leslie Jackson (Amanda Seyfried-Mean Girls, In Time, Les Miserables) AKA Sam L. Jackson who agrees to help Ted prove himself in a court of law that he is human before he becomes “Property”. Meanwhile the evil Ted-fetishing Donny, now working for the evil corporation known as Hasbro (That’s right, the company evil enough to give Transformers testicles and create the Brony fan base) plots to capture Ted after the jury claims Ted to be non-human and bring him to Hasbro so they can manufacture millions of Ted bears for all the kids, he would make his fat son Robert proud.

            So it’s a race for civil rights for Ted, John, Samantha, and Tami-Lynn and they better hurry before Ted becomes the next big corporate sellout since Transformers 2.

            Overall Ted 2 is pretty much what it sounds like, a sequel to a very crude, vulgar comedy about a talking teddy bear that was made by the same guy who created Family Guy, so if you’re a fan of Seth’s work, Family Guy or otherwise, chances are you’ll probably find something to laugh at in Ted 2, but everyone else should stay the fuck away from it, if you’re not a fan of Seth Macfarlane’s sense of humor, don’t even try, this is not your movie, you’re better off watching a comedy like Spy or Pitch Perfect 2.

            I was a tad disappointed that John and Lori broke up especially after all that build up in the first movie, but once Amanda Seyfried took out that bong in her office and could not understand any form of movie references I’m like, she opposites Wahlberg’s character perfectly.

            One great thing I can say about Ted 2 is the film gave us more funny moments with the extremely talented and hilarious Patrick Warburton (Family Guy, The Tick, The Venture Bros.) who now has a hot new boyfriend (Michael Dorn-Star Trek: The Next Generation), these two made me laugh so hard beer came out my nose (I saw this at a 21+ theater, by the way!), one of which was during a big climax at the New York Comic Con, which knowing me had me laughing all the way (See Con Recaps!) involving them dressed up as characters that the geek population would know right away.

            So like I said, if you liked Ted and Seth Macfarlane, you’ll probably enjoy Ted 2, and if you don’t…suck it.

IT’S SATIRICAL: The Moviewatchin’ Psychopath! Respects Different Opinions And Will Not Judge You By Your Thoughts And Interests!            

Inside Out review

INSIDE OUT:

JOYFUL, SAD, ANGERING, FEARFUL, AND DISGUSTING…

ALL CREATIVE, BEAUTIFUL, FUNNY, SWEET, AND “EMOTIONAL”!

By Nico Beland

Movie Review: **** out of 4

DISNEY/PIXAR

(From left to right) Fear, Anger, Joy, Sadness, and Disgust take you on an “Emotional” adventure in Disney/Pixar’s Inside Out

            The magical duo of Disney and Pixar Animation Studios return with their latest animated adventure, Inside Out, which is described as a “Major Emotion Picture”, and they’re completely right about that. After watching many films in the Pixar library like the Toy Story trilogy, Monsters, Inc., Finding Nemo, and Up, all I can say is, this is another one of their best films, and I consider this to be a modern classic, not to mention the film feels like every Pixar movie rolled into one…except for Cars 2, but I digress.

            We all know that the executives at Pixar are emotional professionals, remember Jessie the Cowgirl’s backstory in Toy Story 2, or when Sulley and Boo became the best of friends in Monsters, Inc., or when Marlon the clownfish lost his wife and kids to a carnivorous predator in Finding Nemo? And let’s not forget the ending of Toy Story 3, a movie literally about emotions should be a piece of cake for Pixar and does it live up to what it promised? No…it surpassed it, why, let me tell you.

            Everybody has little voices inside their heads, moms have them, dads have them, kids have them, everyone, especially a young girl named Riley Anderson (voiced by newcomer Kaitlyn Dias) who has the perfect life in Minneapolis with her caring mom (voiced by Diane Lane-Unfaithful, Under the Tuscan Sun, Man of Steel) and dad (voiced by Kyle MacLachlan-Dune, The Flintstones, Showgirls). She’s on a winning hockey team, she has friends, she loves her family, and she is very positive, all thanks to an emotion in her head named Joy (voiced by Amy Poehler-Parks and Recreation, Blades of Glory, The Secret World of Arrietty) who runs the control center in Riley’s head literally called “Headquarters”.

            But Joy’s not alone at Headquarters; she also has the unhappy Sadness (voiced by Phyllis Smith-The Office, The 40-Year-Old Virgin, Bad Teacher), the aggressive Anger (voiced by Stand Up comedian, Lewis Black), the cowardly Fear (voiced by Bill Hader-Superbad, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, Men in Black 3), and the sarcastic Disgust (voiced by Mindy Kaling-The Office, The Mindy Project, Wreck-It Ralph) who all control Riley’s emotions and personality.

            Unfortunately things get very emotional when Riley and her parents move to San Francisco after her dad gets a new job. So that means, a new house, new friends to make, and a new school, also due to Sadness’ clumsiness, Riley’s Core Memories get scattered and Joy and Sadness are sucked out of Headquarters, which could lead to a major problem, Anger, Disgust, and Fear left in charge of controlling Riley.

            So Joy and Sadness embark on an adventure through Long Term Memory, The five Islands of Personality, Imagination Land, Dream Productions, and they hitch a ride on the Train of Thoughts with Riley’s childhood imaginary friend, Bing-Bong (voiced by Richard Kind-A Bug’s Life, Cars, Argo), who has a magical song-powered rocket to fly to the moon, to make it back to Headquarters and put Riley back in Joy’s control, before her life crumbles into the Abyss.

            Overall, Inside Out is an animated movie that’s overflowing with creative ideas, beautiful animation, humor, and even well executed drama, which is certainly one of the many things Pixar does very well. This film takes its audience seriously and it doesn’t talk down to the kids and treats everyone mature and equal, thus resulting in a truly charming and powerful, not just animated movie, but movie in general.

            It’s definitely somewhere in my Top 10 Favorite Pixar Movies list, along with the Toy Story trilogy, Monsters, Inc., Finding Nemo, The Incredibles, Up, the list goes on. This, in my honest opinion is my go to family movie of the summer…at least until Minions comes out (Note From the Future: This movie's way better!).

Jurassic World review

JURASSIC WORLD:

DINOSAUR SIZED POPCORN FUN WITH A SPECIAL EFFECTS FREE FOR ALL!

By Nico Beland

Movie Review: *** out of 4

UNIVERSAL PICTURES

Something big is coming in Jurassic World

            Fourth time’s the charm, Steven Spielberg (Jaws, E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial, Minority Report) returns to his colossally groundbreaking and popular Jurassic Park franchise with a fourth installment in the franchise, Jurassic World, the first Jurassic Park movie in fourteen years since 2001’s Jurassic Park III as well as the second Jurassic Park film to not be directed by Spielberg.

            In the director’s chair is Colin Trevorrow (Safety Not Guaranteed), while Spielberg executive produces the film, and Seattle’s Star-Lord, Chris Pratt (Parks & Recreation, The Lego Movie, Guardians of the Galaxy) stars as Velociraptor trainer, Owen Grady. It’s nowhere near as visually amazing or gripping as the original Jurassic Park from 1993 in which Spielberg directed, but compared to The Lost World: Jurassic Park and Jurassic Park III, this is the rare Jurassic Park sequel that’s actually a decent follow-up as well as a fun summer popcorn film.

            22 years after the events of Jurassic Park, we find a new, fully functional, dinosaur theme park on an eerily familiar island called Jurassic World is opening up and the entire world is excited about the park and seeing all the dinosaurs. Brothers, Zach (Nick Robinson-The Kings of Summer) and Gray Mitchell (Ty Simpkins-Little Children, Revolutionary Road, Iron Man 3) go to visit their aunt Claire Dearing (Bryce Dallas Howard-Spider-Man 3, Terminator: Salvation, The Help), the park’s operations manager.

            Unfortunately Claire is too busy to visit the boys as she is currently working on a new attraction for Jurassic World, a genetically modified dinosaur called an Indominus Rex which has been born and living entirely in custody of the park, which Raptor trainer, Owen Brady claims could lead to catastrophic casualties, especially after the Indominus Rex ate its sibling.

            Owen, Claire, Zach, and Gray soon realize that the Indominus Rex has escaped and is killing off the dinosaurs as well as military soldiers and workers who came in to attempt to contain it. Unfortunately it all backfires when the Indominus Rex starts moving towards the park which could lead to both closure of the park and lawsuits the size of a big pile of dinosaur shit, but it could lead to all the workers and guests of the park to become an all you can eat dinosaur buffet.

            Overall, Jurassic World is definitely darker and grittier than the previous two films, much like Jurassic Park III, but this time actual effort was put into this sequel. The CG effects on the dinosaurs can be fun to watch, however what made the first Jurassic Park so amazing was its creative blend of computer animation and animatronics, coming into this movie I knew all the dinosaurs were gonna be CG, but what gave Jurassic Park its 1993 Best Visual Effects Oscar was that there were dinosaurs that were really there, not just digital dinosaurs, but actual animatronic dinosaurs.

            For a Jurassic Park movie, the lead actors and protagonists do a decent job, Chris Pratt as a raptor trainer, how can you go wrong with that? Though I would say his Star-Lord performance from Guardians of the Galaxy was a little more fun and quirky, but for a Jurassic Park movie, he fits in well, now I want to see a Jurassic Park movie where he meets Sam Neil, screw Jeff Goldblum. Unlike Julianne Moore from The Lost World and Tea Leoni from Jurassic Park III, Bryce Dallas Howard is a much better female companion than those two, because Moore’s character was an idiot and Leoni was so God awfully annoying.

            If you’re a fan of the first Jurassic Park and seeking for the one sequel that’s considered good or just looking for a fun, action packed, popcorn movie, this is your flick. It’s one of my favorite blockbusters of the summer behind Avengers: Age of Ultron and Mad Max: Fury Road, mainly because of the climax, which is one of the coolest, if not craziest action sequences you’ll see in a big budget sci-fi action flick.

            The Park is open and it’s waiting for you.

Spy review

SPY:

00-DOUBTFIRE!

By Nico Beland

Movie Review: *** 1/2 out of 4

20^TH CENTURY FOX

Jude Law, Rose Byrne, Jason Statham, and Melissa McCarthy in the new action comedy, Spy

            Director Paul Feig (Bridesmaids, The Heat) and Melissa McCarthy (Bridesmaids, The Heat, St. Vincent) join forces once again to bring another laugh out loud action comedy to the big screen, Spy. Think of it as James Bond meets Mrs. Doubtfire, literally that’s pretty much what the film is, but I don’t mean that in a bad way, the film is hilarious all the way through and even manages to throw in some fun action as well as some drama and it never feels overstuffed and it always comes back to the spy action comedy we were promised.

            McCarthy plays pudgy deskbound CIA analyst, Susan Cooper and partner of top agent, Bradley Fine (Jude Law-The Talented Mr. Ripley, The Aviator, Sherlock Holmes). When Fine falls off the grid and another top agent, Rick Ford (Jason Statham-The Transporter trilogy, Crank, Furious 7) is compromised, Cooper volunteers to go undercover as a middle-age woman and infiltrate the world of a deadly arms dealer (Bobby Cannavale-Blue Jasmine, Chef, Annie) and his daughter (Rose Byrne-Bridesmaids, Neighbors, Annie) and prevent a global disaster involving a nuke.

            Overall, Spy, like Bridesmaids and The Heat is a very funny action comedy, the action is well choreographed, the cast and characters are all memorable especially McCarthy, Statham, and Byrne, and the humor and writing are witty and almost always get a big laugh. Melissa McCarthy is basically just acting as herself, much like her performances from films like The Heat, Identity Thief, and Tammy, but it works and even in mediocre films like Identity Thief and Tammy, there’s just always something so funny and likable about her that you just don’t care, she will make you laugh and thankfully the script and writing for this movie give her a lot to work with.

            Now for the big shock, what really amazed me about the film was how funny Jason Statham is in this flick. Like most of his action movie roles, he’s the man of action who just wants to get things done, but what’s really funny and actually kind of clever about his character is that he’s completely full of himself, is frequently angry, and can even be a klutz once in a while and he delivers it very well, it’s very refreshing to see him do something outside of traditional action films.

            If you’re a fan of Paul Feig and Melissa McCarthy’s previous films together, Bridesmaids and The Heat, chances are you’ll love Spy, from the James Bond style opening credits sequence to the mid-credits scene at the end that will have you laughing like a hick. It’s a mission of thrills and laughs you’ll be glad to accept and with the talent of Melissa McCarthy, Jason Statham, Jude Law, and Rose Byrne, it’s sure to be a winning mission of laughs and excitement.